Beauty is pain
I think I was probably about 15 years old the first time I had my hair coloured. That was in the mid ‘80’s when ‘frosted’ hair was all the rage in the beauty industry.
I sat in a kitchen chair with a plastic cap tied tightly on my head while my mother used a tiny crochet hook to pull strands of hair through small holes in the cap. She poked the end of the tool through the marked holes, gave a little twist to hook a bit of hair, and then pulled and tugged the strands through the hole.
Sounds delightful, doesn’t it?
It wasn’t. It hurt.
When Mom decided enough strands were exposed to produce the desired effect, she mixed up the bleach and brushed it on carefully covering all my bits of hair with the thick, smelly concoction. I don’t remember how long it took to process, but I remember hanging my head over the kitchen sink so Mom could rinse the bleach off; the acrid smell of peroxide making my eyes water.
The final step was to slowly pull off the plastic cap. Ladies, do you remember how your face looked when your Mom made your ponytail too tight? How every follicle on your head screamed as it was pinched upward? Imagine a hundred tiny tight ponytails being pulled up, little tent-like shapes of scalp making tiny peaks on your head. Agony…and then…aaahhh…blessed relief when the cap finally released the last strands of hair, and voila! Perfectly frosted hair, a miracle of modern home cosmetology.
Since then my hair has been almost every colour imaginable, some intentional, some really, really unfortunate accidents. I haven’t seen my own natural hair colour since…well…since I was fifteen and my mother tied that plastic cap under my chin.
Natural beauty
This summer I’d had enough. I was tired of the constant upkeep, tired of the expense, tired of hiding. I wanted to see me, be me! So I did it. I quit colouring my hair and it is slowly growing out to reveal its true self.
Its true self has a lot more “sparkle” than I expected, but rather than the horror you might think I would feel, I’m growing more and more curious. I find myself looking in the mirror, tipping my head this way and that to see the light catch on the strands that are no longer my natural shade of brown. I’m not sure if it’s fascination with seeing a ‘hidden secret’ or if it’s more like not being able to tear my eyes away from a train wreck. Either way I’m determined to see this ‘reveal’ through to the end.
I suppose it’s because I’ve hit middle-age that I’m starting to notice certain things, comments people make. They say things like ‘she looks good for her age’ or ‘he’s really aging well’ and that’s when people are being complimentary. Because people also say things like ‘the years haven’t been kind to her’ or ‘he looks like he’s done some hard living’.
Inner beauty
Why are we so focused on appearance? Wouldn’t it be nice if someone said, Gee,” I love what you’ve done with your character! You’ve become so kind and generous!” Wouldn’t that be nice to hear?
How about “I’m so impressed with how compassionate and encouraging you are. It makes me feel good to be around you!” Wouldn’t that be a bigger boost to your self-esteem than someone telling you how great your hair looks?
I get that human beings are visual creatures. We…heck, I appreciate beautiful people. But the colour of my hair or the smoothness of my skin isn’t going to change the world. How I live, how I treat people – that is what makes a difference to my family and friends and to my world.
A compliment about how I look makes me feel good, yes, but it only feeds my ego. A compliment about how I made someone feel, how I helped or encouraged them, those words feed my soul.
By all means, compliment appearances. You’ll put a smile on someone’s face, but compliment their character too. The joy that comes from having our goodness recognized is what encourages us to keep being and doing good.
If you’ve read long enough to get to the end of this, I’ve learned something about you, about what matters to you. Goodness matters to you. You are kind and compassionate and generous. You try your best to be understanding and helpful. Thank you. Truly. The world is a better place because of you.
Now go on, keep shining your light. Spread a little more goodness in the world!
And just because it’s a beautiful song about being yourself…
