Don’t worry a wart,
Or a thing of that sort,
You’re taking a terrible chance sir;
For often they grow,
As doctors all know,
Into a formidable cancer. (Sandusky Star Journal, Ohio, c.1923)
I’m a bit of a worry wart, but I come by it honestly. My dad is a Master Worrier, he’s perfected the art and I’ve always been a good student. Not sure why I chose to follow my dad’s example though, when my mom almost never worries. I’ve never known her to lose sleep over her troubles. Mom says she just gives them to God and figures He can take care of things while she sleeps. I’m not so good at giving up control, but I’m working on it.
I don’t worry about a lot of things (really it’s just my kids), but when I do…wow, do I worry. I found a really helpful guide online that I thought I’d share with you. Here are their 6 steps to stop worrying:
Step 1. Create a worry period.
Check. I only worry at night, right after I’ve gone to bed. I can distract myself all day long, but when my head hits the pillow, I start to think. Sleep is such a waste of time anyway, it’s quiet in the house, I can really focus on whatever is troubling me and give it my full attention.
Step 2. Ask yourself is the problem solvable?
Clearly I think it is or I wouldn’t lay there thinking of every possible solution under the sun.
Step 3. Accept uncertainty.
Check. Long, long ago I accepted (sort of) the fact that I cannot control what other people do. We managed to raise two very stubborn and independent thinkers who like to make their own decisions. That was supposed to be a good thing, but when they make decisions that I think might not be what’s best for them, well…I worry, I mean, they’re on the brink of disaster right?! I haven’t given up hope that the rest of the world will come to the realization that my way is probably the best way and if they’d just ask my opinion, we could save everyone a lot of trouble and then I could sleep at night.
Step 4. Challenge anxious thoughts.
Check. While my mind goes a hundred miles an hour in full-out problem solving mode, one little corner of it tells me, “You’re being an idiot. You have no control over this. You cannot change this. It’s not your decision to make.” Doesn’t matter. I’d like to make sure I have given my best effort in coming up with a perfect solution.
Step 5. Be aware of how others affect you.
I am very aware, thank you very much. Lack of sleep, churning gut, frustration… the affect is quite clear.
Step 6. Practice mindfulness.
And here’s where I start to get lost. Practice mindfulness…stay in the present, keep in the moment. This is the “one day at a time” premise. At night, when I’m alone with my thoughts, I tend to drift to the future and I know I can’t change things, but sometimes it’s really hard accepting that. Some things, most things really, are out of my control. It’s probably high time I took the advice I give so freely to others:
If you can do something about it, do. If you can’t, let it go.
Most of the time, the things I worry about don’t happen anyway. I twist things around in my mind until they don’t even resemble reality. It isn’t like I don’t have enough on my own plate to take care of either. So why worry? Because I care so much about the people I love. I can’t bear the thought of their struggle or pain, but I know adversity builds character and strength. I just wish it came easier. But in the meantime, the steps above are actually pretty good suggestions (if you want to read the actual guide, you can find it here). I’ll keep practicing and maybe one day, I’ll stop worrying. I can always hope.
