Last summer, a photo of a friend from high school showed up on my Facebook newsfeed. That in itself is not unusual, I keep in touch with quite a few of my high school friends through Facebook. But this particular photo and its caption was inspiring.
My friend was standing at the top of a mountain in Tumbler Ridge having just completed a 20km race called the Emperor’s Challenge. Her post read – I’ll paraphrase –“ I don’t want to be a bystander anymore. I want to participate in life.”
Wow. Just wow.
Since that photo I have seen my friend in many others zip lining, snorkeling, hiking, traveling…experiencing life in a very active way. It’s inspiring.
Last fall, my brother and his wife sold their home and most of their possessions. They went into semi-retirement mode and just came home from spending a little more than three months traveling through Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. It was an incredible adventure! If you’re interested in reading about some of their adventures and seeing some of their amazing photos, you can check out their blog at http://angelascriba21.blogspot.ca/ Their plan is to work during the summer and fall and then travel. They are participating in life as fully as they can.
That same sister-in-law fulfilled another dream last weekend. She walked across the stage, dressed in her cap and gown, to receive her bachelors degree in business administration. It took her 20 years from start to finish, but she did it. She never gave up, even though it would have been easy to do so. She said she started for herself, but she finished for her grandchildren. I admit, I had a tear or two when she came off the stage and down the walkway to be greeted with hugs from her grandchildren. She is inspiring in her determination to make her dream come true.
A few years ago, I found myself in the same position as my high school friend. No, not at the top of a mountain, but realizing that life is too short to live it as a bystander – a watcher from the sidelines.
My lifelong battle with self-confidence, the never-ending fight with myself to overcome my fears, have far too often kept me on the sidelines. I was afraid of what people would think of me, afraid of looking foolish, afraid of not being as good as everyone else, afraid of being laughed at or judged. Looking back, I am sad I let so many opportunities pass by because I was afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want life to pass me by. I get daily reminders at work that life is short, really, really short. I want people to see me laughing out loud, exhilarated at the top of the mountain, excited at the bottom of the roller coaster ride. I want that photo at the end of the race to have me in it.
I always have that little voice, which isn’t always little, in my head. It tells me I’ll look like an idiot. It tells me if I run I’ll get red-faced and sweaty and I’ll be ugly. It tells me to sit down and watch, I’m not good enough. It’s a horrible, obnoxious, nasty voice. It is my voice.
I hold myself back. I tell myself those hurtful things. I tell myself lies.
But more and more, I find the courage to try. I push past the fear and try in spite of myself and something amazing almost always happens. I don’t get laughed at. I have fun. I want to do whatever it was again. Well, not always, sometimes once is enough – like that toilet roll and plunger relay race I made myself do at a baby shower. Yes, there is photographic evidence. No, I won’t post it. There’s also a photo of me in a swim suit, snorkel mask, and flippers from the day I found the courage to try snorkeling. You’re never going to see that one either.
I don’t want fear to keep me from trying things. I don’t want to come to the end of my life and have a long list of things I wish I had tried. I don’t want to be a bystander.
Today I am going hiking with a friend. I’d like to make it a regular activity. I’m going to need the practice. There’s an ancient path in England that runs along a Roman ruin called Hadrian’s Wall. I want to walk it and I want to walk it next year. The path is 83 miles long, I don’t need to walk all of it, but I’d like to walk some of it. I want my photo taken at the end of the path in Bowness-on-Solway.
What’s your dream? What’s holding you back? Change the voice in your head – change the way you talk to yourself. My friend did it. My sister-in-law did. I’m doing it too, one step at a time.
Live life fully. You’re only going to get one. Make sure it’s good.
