Proust #23 What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I think it must be to have lost what you love the most, knowing you can never get it back, that you must live on without it, alone. It’s the alone part that would frighten me the most. To have to exist without the one thing that made you feel whole, that gave you purpose and joy. To be really and truly alone would be misery. The circumstances would be different for everyone, but I think there must be that common element of loss. Loss of love, loss of friendship, loss of innocence, loss of freedom…
We all experience moments of misery, some of us live in that state for a longer time than others, and I think we have probably all met someone who seems to live there, always miserable and more than willing to spread their misery around.
Why is that? Why is it that when people are in pain, maybe not all people, but a good number of them, lash out when they are hurting? It shows the animal side of us, I think. Have you ever had an animal, maybe a pet, who was injured? You need to touch them to see how bad the injury is, they growl at you and then one of two things happen next. Either they give you that wounded look and let you touch them, or you get bitten. I don’t think it’s so very different for people. Someone reaches out to offer comfort in a time of misery and it is either received or rejected.
So what are we supposed to do? Not one of us wants to be bitten and if we have been, well the saying goes once bitten, twice shy. We are reluctant to reach out a second time. Maybe we really need to start thinking of ourselves as animals, barely sophisticated and somewhat domesticated animals. You would first offer something comforting like food, then you’d stay a safe distance and just be present. Maybe you could reverse those two steps, but eventually you’d be permitted to come closer and offer greater comfort.
Think about that next time you come across someone who is really hurting. A smile is the first, and maybe the best thing you can offer, even if they don’t smile back. Be thoughtful about how you offer comfort, make sure it is appropriate for the level of trust in your relationship. Sometimes it means offering a moment of normalcy in the midst of their misery.
I get a lot of practice with this at work. There are many people who walk through those doors that I’ve never met and others I’ve known for many years. They are all hurting and miserable and it manifests differently every time. Some are glad for the sympathy and comfort and others are snappish. I don’t take it personally because it isn’t and you shouldn’t either.
The cure for misery is kindness. I think it’s the cure for most of our human ails (outside of sickness, but even there it makes a remarkable difference). Be generous with your smiles today. Say hello. Be kind. It could make all the difference to a person in pain.
Cheery thoughts for an early morning ? Have a good day people!
Awesome post.Really thank you! Want more. Blosfield
Thank you so very much! I’ll keep writing as long as people are willing to read 🙂