There are some truths that you really only understand from the far side. Not the comic (although they are pretty funny and twisted-ly true-ish). What I mean is that when you are young, or in the midst of an experience, some smarty pants comes along and drops a pearl of wisdom in your lap and, well, quite frankly, you think they’re full of crap. They couldn’t possibly know what they’re talking about and besides, you’re different. Your life is different. You won’t make the mistakes they made. You will be different. Uh huh.
Not so long ago, a young mother I know was ranting a bit on Facebook. She’d been in the grocery store, her baby fussing in the shopping cart, and someone (probably trying to be encouraging) tried to offer her a little advice. She was angry. How dare that woman presume to know anything about her or her baby. She was doing just fine thank you very much and perhaps the woman could mind her own business. I cringed because I’ve been that woman, offering encouragement to a young mom. Or at least trying to.
Quite possibly the most well meaning advice, and the most commonly given, comes from middle-aged women to young mothers. From mothers who’ve raised their babies and understand exactly how that exhausted young mom feels. But I don’t think it’s advice that is ever really well received. You can tell by the twisted grimace that is supposed to pass for a smile and the slight eye-roll.
“Enjoy your little one, they grow up all too quickly.”
Picture it…
You can imagine the scene. Little Susie is crying because she isn’t getting her way or she just wants to go home. Mom is tired because she’s been chasing Little Susie all day, and still trying to keep a tidy house and maintain her sanity; she’s also pregnant again, morning sick, and just plain exhausted. Being a mom with little ones is hard work. And now some woman, just like me or maybe you, is standing there with a wistful, longing smile saying, “It will pass too quickly. Try to enjoy it, even the bad days.” Then they look at you like you’re nuts. Who the heck enjoys a toddler with attitude and a well exercised set of lungs? Especially in a public place?
But let me tell you, young moms of the world, it is the truest truth you will ever be offered. One day you are changing dirty diapers and thinking it will never end and the next your babies are grown and gone, off having their own lives and you’re finally able to enjoy a piece of toast that isn’t stone cold, or burnt because you couldn’t give burnt toast to your kid and you weren’t about to throw it out and anyway, there isn’t time to make a new piece, you’re already running late. Can you hear the frantic tone in that string of frustration?
The far side…
I’m on the far side of motherhood. And yes, grandchildren are wonderful, it’s a bit like a second chance. But, God, there are things I miss about my little boys.
I miss bedtime cuddles with freshly bathed kids in soft pajamas.
I miss reading stories at dinner time or in the car and having them say, “One more chapter mom? Please!”
I miss holding hands while we walk.
I miss having one crawl into bed in the middle of the night for a cuddle.
I miss them bursting through the door after school looking for a snack.
I miss treasure hunts and bug hunts and Easter egg hunts.
I even miss finding nasty things in coat pockets. I miss lots of things.
One day something happened for the last time and I didn’t know it would be the last time. One day they stopped crawling into our bed at night. One day they stopped needing me to help do up the zipper on their snowsuit. One day they stopped asking for bed time stories. One day they didn’t need me anymore. I didn’t know it would be the last time. I wish I had known it would be the last time.
So young moms, be patient with us old moms who are on the far side of motherhood. We miss it dreadfully and someday, you will too.
