Proust #18 If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Holy lightning, where do I start? And more to the point, where do I stop?
Haven’t you ever played this game with yourself? It’s kind of like the “If I won the lottery I would…” game, because if I did, I’d be spending winters in my house in Maui. I’d never have to wear socks again. And I’d spend my summers traipsing around the rest of the world, wherever I wanted to go. And, of course, there can’t be any consequences. Because if there were, if I never had to see snow again, I’d miss the way Jasper flings himself over backward to make a snow angel. How sad would that be?
And if I could change things about myself, the newly vanished excess couldn’t appear somewhere else on me. I mean, what good would it be if I changed the size of my…ears, yeah, my ears, but the extra ear-age appeared in the form of a chin mole? *shudder* It’s why I don’t wear spanx. What you squeeze into submission in one place just bulges out somewhere else, and the more you have to squeeze…well, you get the picture.
So what about my character? What’s one thing I would change there? THAT is actually a really hard question too, because I am the sum of my parts. Who’s to say that if I asked for more compassion that I would still be effective in my job? Or would I weep every time someone calls to tell us their loved one has died? I could say I’d like to be less judgmental because I would, but if you knew me in my 20’s, you’d know I’ve made scads of progress in that area.
I’m changing anyway, without any wishing on my part. Life keeps teaching me lessons, bringing people into my life that either reinforce my thoughts or challenge them.
I like myself more now than I did 10 years ago and I hope I’m an even better version of me in another 10 years. Isn’t that what we’re all hoping for?
It’s not like I’m powerless in making changes. I don’t need a genie in a bottle to work some magic. Exercising a little self-control, focusing on the good, practicing what I preach…and if I really hated my “ears” that much, I could change that too. But it’d be easier if I won the lottery ?
